happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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