Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
