I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
