Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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