Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
