Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
