What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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