Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize