Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
