Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
