i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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