He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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