tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
