Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
