God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
