I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Two words: nipple clamps
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