So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize