I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
