was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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