You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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