He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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