We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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