If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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