You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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