Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
