I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
