Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
