I wish I could teleport
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
