My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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