It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
