this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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