How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
