you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
