hell yes lets make some ravioli
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
