Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
