hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
