Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
