I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
