She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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