Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
