I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
