once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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