I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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