Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
zippers are such a cool invention
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it's great music for shaving your balls
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
