never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
