You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
