I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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