OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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