My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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