I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My life is pants optional.
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