4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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