It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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