Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
