I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
