So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
