she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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