Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
