I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
