hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize