tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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