Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
