Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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