I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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