Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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