i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My bed smells like the plague
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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