I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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