i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
A+ Viking dick
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