My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
